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Quotes

Some famous lines heard from the Burnsville softball fields (1995-present):

2017 Quotes:

  • I had 11 before I came.”
  • “When it’s super soft like that you try to get out of the hole.”
  • “Started late and finished early.”
  • “It’s not how fast, it’s finishing.  There is still more in there.”
  • “I don’t know what’s longer….”
  • “I want to stay after 10pm, you can talk her into anything.”
  • “I just told him to do what he wants.”
  • “I thought you were coming with it.”
  • “Kurty had a nice over the shoulder one tonight.”
  • “All you have to do is hold the rod.”
  • “We will just do it right here at the field.”
  • “I couldn’t see it coming in.”
  • “I’ve been trying to pull it.”
  • “He heard flesh rip and couldn’t pull it out.”
  • “I did it a lot for one team I played with.”
  • “It’s nice to be on the receiving end.”
  • “I couldn’t spit it out right.”
  • “Alright, I will do it myself.”
  • “I’m going to throw it.”
  • “I want to see it.”
  • “You can slobber all over it.”
  • “I wanted the short one behind me.”
  • “I almost thanked those girls for coming.”
  • “He didn’t like the second pitcher, he got it up a little higher.”
  • “Did all of that come out of your nose.”
  • “I never did it intentionally.”
  • “Oh God, it was thick.”
  • “The chance of that drying out tonight is zero.”
  • “I’ll give it to him.”
  • “I can fit nine in my boat, we can all go down.”
  • “Oh man I wanted it.”
  • “That f’er was going to come tonight.”
  • “Jam it inside.”
  • “I’ll do it online.”
  • “I feel like it was still hard.”
  • “It was like swampy.”
  • “I’m just trying to drop it in there.”
  • “He was pulling out.  Nope, not good enough.”
  • “I think I backed out.”
  • “My wife likes pickles.”
  • “I put just the pickle on her plate.”
  • “In about an hour from now, can you do that right in front of me?”
  • “There you go.  Lick it.  Lick it.”
  • “It hit me right in the face.”
  • “I cannot get my head through the hole.”
  • “Al, I’ll do it.  Seriously.”
  • “It’s all about where you finish.”
  • “I came up limp.”
  • “How many strokes does it take to break in?”
  • “She’s starting to stiffen up a bit now.”
  • “It’s stiff now.”
  • “I tried to beat him out there.”
  • “I touched it, I just didn’t feel it.”
  • “It’s smooth, like petting a baby mouse.”
  • “If you want me to, I’d love to play with you.”
  • “Got to let him finish.”
  • “Does she like it?”
  • “You smoked me.”
  • “Let’s do it right here.”
  • “The best is when your sisters kicks you in the nuts when you are 12 years old.”
  • “We had him in the boys that I play with.”
  • “You could have made it grow.”
  • “We have all winter to work on my wife.”
  • “See?  It’s huge.”
  • “Come when you’re called.  No matter what.”
  • “I think I did it 3-4 times tonight.”
  • “Is it just me, or is he just grabbing my @ss?”
  • “I could make a phone call and there would be six of us who would come.”

2016 Quotes:

  • “I choked on his seeds.”
  • “We’ve never done it here.”
  • “I don’t want you to bend over, Al.”
  • “Now I’m a marked man because my daughter f*#$ed me.”
  • “It was soft, you could push it.”
  • “Vaseline and pine tar.”
  • “Man I love Dicks (Sporting Goods).”
  • “I’m glad I didn’t catch that in the palm.”
  • “It doesn’t look natural, but he’s huge.”
  • “Okay, I’ll go big.”
  • “I choked it off a few times.”
  • “Wow, your’s is warm.”
  • “He’s got quick hands.”
  • “Here, let’s have a three way.”
  • “I figured I’d get up early and beat it.”
  • “No thanks.  I’d be up all night.”
  • “A friend of mine does it with a lamb.”
  • “They have guys taking turns with a lamb trapped in a fence link.”
  • “A whole bottle of Wild Turkey and he came.”
  • “I got it in the face.”
  • “Lube it up, 45 seconds and do it again.”
  • “Not very long, just enough.”
  • “Does she think that’s real?”
  • “I’m going to wake you up if I’m the shooter.”
  • “I was doing it on vacation.”
  • “Two in the trunk.”
  • “Kenny was inches behind C20.”
  • “It’s all bare hand.”
  • “After you hit it awhile it gets softer.”
  • “You don’t wear a glove.”
  • “She doesn’t come a lot.”
  • “Put it in your mouth!  Put it in your mouth!”
  • “Here it comes again.”
  • “He turns and gets it in the mouth.”
  • “I’ve got a wiener for you.”
  • “Do you start with the front or the back?”
  • “Every time I take my glove off I lose it.”
  • “I go down there every day and try to beat it.”
  • “I can’t remember how far in you were.”
  • “I like doing it sometimes.  I don’t like doing it all the time.”
  • “As soon as it’s hit, I’m blind.  I don’t know if it’s going in or out.”
  • “Don’t roll over on your own, wait for them to roll you over.”
  • “Keep it out.”
  • “It was taller than it was long.”
  • “I’m not sure where we finish, but it doesn’t matter.”
  • “I can feel it a little bit.”
  • “If I remember right, we get Neil next week.”
  • “They jacked all of our worms.”
  • “Every day I’ve been trying to beat this guy.”
  • “I said ‘today I’m going to beat it.'”
  • “Give me a far heads up and I’ll do it with you.”
  • “Alright Krull, next year we’ll do it.”
  • “You know Al will do it.”
  • “The spit would come back up your throat.”
  • “You literally couldn’t swallow it.”
  • “You could put it in and take it out.”
  • “You grab it from behind.”
  • “I will mount it below.”
  • “We did it last year.”
  • “We did it last year for a night.”
  • “I gave him a few short ones and then one long one.”
  • “I put the clamps on it, but it squirted right out of there.”
  • “Red, sorry for keeping you up.”  [And making the game long too.]
  • “Nice hole, Al.”
  • “Right call turning your head.  That was a face shot.”
  • “I almost choked it off.”
  • “You’re bigger than I am.”  “Yep.  I’m taller too.”
  • “We did it tonight too.”
  • “Oh man, he stroked that thing.”
  • “When I eat it just comes out.”
  • “I will start at sucking.”
  • “Are you at your desk?  I’ll send you a picture.”
  • “He’s gotta prove he can beat me deep.”
  • “It felt different in my hand.”
  • “Sorry, I gave it to Nicole.”
  • “Was that you that banged Chris P.?”
  • “Last year was nice, we did it for one night.”
  • “He came inside me.”
  • “I’ll do any position, Al.”
  • “I don’t know, we tried to make him come all the time.”
  • “He was coming and coming hard.”
  • “It might be my new favorite team to beat.”
  • “I want to get video of you two.”
  • “Start when you start, but be at home.”
  • “My butt burned.  It was a two day process.”
  • “Wow, that thing exploded.”
  • “I have a hold of it, you just twist the end.”
  • “Come Pete!  Come Pete!”
  • “I have a neighbor that did it.”
  • “The second time was easier than the first.  No, HE said it was.”
  • “I did it once.  It’s kind of like watching TV.”
  • “Chris got the triple jerk.”
  • “Once you’re in, you’re in.”
  • “You just go in with that attitude and have a lot of Red Dogs that night.”
  • “I apologize if he has to bend this far.”
  • “I put two fingers in the last one.”

2015 Quotes:

  • “If you were going to film this, I’d rather watch the girls.”
  • “She plays all the girls now.”
  • “I got off a little early.”
  • “You have to bring the whole package.”
  • “Brian is hanging out with Tim so he can’t come.”
  • “He just bent over and I was like, ‘What do you want me to do?'”
  • “I haven’t done it in a long time.  I don’t know why.”
  • “I asked the first baseman for his phone number.”
  • “I see those young kids coming.”
  • “Has Brad ever strapped it up?”
  • “I was 30 and I was playing with Al.”
  • “He may strap it up this year.”
  • “It’s that big knob over there.”
  • “I need help getting up because I can’t go down.”
  • “Normally I here someone yelling when I go down.”
  • “I wanted to just palm it.  It was above the head.”
  • “All it is, is a chunk of rubber hose on each end.”
  • “Even if it is just coming on and off the field….”
  • “It’s always good to come from behind.”
  • “It’s been up for a freakin’ week and a half.”
  • “Al, make sure I bend over next time.”
  • “It’s a little drier than I like it, but it will work.”
  • “The chain was digging into my arm tonight.  It’s throbbing.”
  • “She turns around and calls me jack rabbit.”
  • “I have to take care of the puppy.  No one is home.”
  • “Can I have a squirt?”
  • “I didn’t think I’d beat him back peddling.”
  • “The guy is like, ‘Hey, that was a good poke.'”
  • “Jeff can do just about every position out there.”
  • “You knew that one was coming.”
  • “I’ll come when I can.”
  • “He’s gonna be sore tomorrow.”
  • “This one used to pop out.”
  • “I couldn’t find it.”
  • “You know what my wife does?  I pay $1,000 / month.”
  • “You are like Pinocchio.”
  • “Pinocchio, you are getting bigger as you speak.”
  • “I have a cute kid story.”
  • “It’s like that long, he can’t show anybody.”
  • “Hey Tim, thanks for coming.”  “…and showing up too.”
  • “I have a huge staff.”
  • “There’s gotta be video of it.”
  • “Whatever he does, I could find a position for him.”
  • “Towards the end he was giving me the deep balls.”
  • “Every time I have two balls on me, I’ve got the green light.”
  • “I don’t want to push on it, it’s sore.”
  • “I just drop my pants and put it in the spot.”

2014 Quotes:

  • “It’s supposed to be beautiful for tomorrow’s game.”  “Which night?”  “The Bears.”
  • “It was a chick we picked up just to use for the weekend.”
  • “I just saw him coming quickly in the corner of my eye.”
  • “He was coming hard.”
  • “I gotta rub that.”
  • “CW just spanks one.”
  • “My knee hurts, I’m sore…What happened”  (concussion)
  • “It was cute.  I liked it.”
  • “Steve thought he had beat it out.”
  • “Look at THAT.  It’s hard.”
  • “I’m glad I wasn’t mid-swallow on that.”
  • “His ma was at home with a bubble bath and a ____”
  • “I may have had a little spunk back then.”
  • “I wear this because I hate it when it comes down right here.”
  • “When you get the right spot, it goes.”
  • “Who do you play with?”  “Men mostly.”
  • “How many guys are going down there?”
  • “I’ve got a lot in my head.”
  • “We had guys coming through the back door that way.”

2013 FALL BALL quotes:

  • “He’s got a good seven inches on that guy.”
  • “He was eight inches inside.”
  • “My God, he is big from here.”
  • “Could you hear me coming?”  “Not over my own breath.”
  • “I was chasing his sweet ass.”
  • “Today was strobe lights and horns.”
  • “I like to go in early and lead with the fingerprints.”
  • “We have to bring more beer when we come.”
  • “I committed too early.”  “So did I, and now I have three kids.”
  • “Do you own a glove?”  “No.”
  • “Do you want a mask?”  “Yes, but not a leather one.”
  • “I just watch her bounce.”
  • “He popped it up short.”
  • “A little in on the backside.”  “It would be dumb if he wasn’t.”
  • “How was the finger?”
  • “He told me to stay, f-him, I went.”
  • “I started playing with him 18 years ago.”
  • “You can smoke him from right-center.”  “And throw him out too.”
  • “I think my wife took the car.  Anyone else have a car?”

2013 quotes:

  • “The next three weeks could be harder [and tough to stay late too].”
  • “Am I the first to leave?  F-That, I’ll have a beer.”
  • “I thought it was longer than that.”
  • “Way to get up for that [good catch too].”
  • “It’s as good as in.”
  • “If you can use two hands, use two hands [Amen to that].”
  • “If you keep the cardboard in it, it stays hard.”
  • “His head was so long.”
  • “I could not wait to get off of Neill A [move to field B too].”
  • “You don’t want to spit it out because that would be WRONG.”
  • “I got off at 3:30pm.  [Left work at 2:25pm.]”
  • “I have it up right now, I will show you.  [The rules on my phone.]”
  • “Every now and then I get one in.”
  • “He gave the camel a rub.”
  • “You have to put one on and record it all night.”
  • “I’m playing as long as you come.”
  • “He’s pretty.”
  • “I’m going to go home and bang my head against the bed post.”
  • “Sometimes it gets stiff and it feels better if I move it around.”
  • “I puked the last two weeks.”
  • “I can’t think about those hooters.”  “I can’t NOT.”

2012 quotes:

  • “You have to hope you ate corn the day before, just so you had a ‘tracer.'”
  • “It’s a team tradition.”
  • “You can’t win two if you don’t win the first one.”
  • “It was so tight because they like it.”
  • “You can’t find a spot.”
  • “I had full access to the wife.”
  • “He gave me the full spread.”
  • “I swear he’s six inches younger than me.”
  • “I have had some long balls.”
  • “Once I start, I am not stopping.”
  • “It was THIS big around.”
  • “Al Sandusky.”
  • “There was a girl in there.”  “No, that was a knot in the tree.”
  • “As dry as its been, it doesn’t take long to suck it in.”

2011 quotes:

  • “We should stay here and drink until the other teams have left.”
  • “I was beating it around with my bare hands….”  And I couldn’t pick up the softball either.
  • “I think he is just competitive.”
  • “Go deep on their pitcher…” “And hit a homerun too.”
  • “Are these CW’s shoes?”  “I think he is bigger than that.”
  • “She is better insulated than most.”
  • “We are out of beer.”
  • “How old are you? [28] I’m 50.”

2010 FALL BALL quotes:

  • “Is my weiner holding it up?”
  • “I love when they pitch quick, I don’t have to think.”
  • “I have only one swallow left.”
  • “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.”
  • “It’s easier when it’s hard.”
  • “The might be the longest dong we saw this year.”

2010 quotes:

  • “Heavy on the Greg’s this year.  Sounds like runs….”
  • “CP was huge tonight.  And he hit well too.”
  • “Good stick.  And he can hit too.”
  • “I can’t bend down that far.”  — “But you can bend over.”
  • “We have video of Cinco’s dong.”  “…And his homerun too.”
  • “I have never seen his mom, but he’s not very pretty.”
  • “I am not happy unless they have a tag in their ear.”
  • “It looks like they brought their own bats.”
  • “Kiss is playing at the State Fair.  I’m going to go have a couple of ‘foot longs’ and hit the concert.”  “…Eat a hot dog too.”
  • “Pint has to come in….and move closer too.”
  • “Al’s a LEADER.”
  • “Eso no será el último cuerno rojo que sopla esta noche.
  • “We are licking the salt off Ryan’s seeds.”
  • “CW went in hard…..and slid too.”
  • “I am not good with the smaller ones.”
  • “She loves you, she wants to hold you….How is Pat?”
  • “We ride his wife too.”
  • “Beat it, beat it, beat it…..and run it out too.”
  • “That’s why they call it a walk.”

Legacy greats:

  • “Hey Red…You mean NOTHING to me!”
  • “10 feet, right Red?”
  • “Matty…NO ONE!”
  • “Lars….NO ONE!”  —  “Top!”
  • “Hey CW, stay hot!  And get a hit too.”
  • “Be the one, be the shooter, be the guy, be one with the bat, whooo-aaaahhhh now!”
  • “little jc, create something.”
  • “My sac, Al.  Al, my sac.”
  • “Coming!”
  • “Go Redc0ck$ de fight!”
  • “F! F! F! F! GD! F! F! S! GDFS! F! F! GD! Mother F! F! [Ump – WARNING!] F! F! Mother F! F! GDS! F!
  • “Hey 2’s…Never change.”
  • “I think he’s a pedophile.”
  • “She was born in 1978.  She should act like it.”
  • “She does not seem to be the kind of girl to jump on that donkey and whip it like there is no tomorrow.”
  • “I’ve been thinking about coming out here to run my doodle.”
  • “She must have smelled my doodle.”
  • “Yours is bigger than mine.”
  • “You can hold my sack.”
  • “Student, like it spells.”